Photo By: Jeannie Selda
“Be your own ‘everything,’ then you won’t have to be everyone else’s.
At least then they will have an example. Just saying.”
– Jennifer Hough
Ever had this feeling like it’s your job to make someone else happy? Or worse, that when someone else is unhappy, that you messed up or need to make it better?
Listen, I did that with Adam for years. Yeah! It’s called “Carrying.” It comes from identities that you developed because of some hurt that you suffered in the past.
An identity is used to protect yourself from something painful happening again. This identity (one of many) came from a horrific breakup with a deep love connection, who ran away and didn’t “see” me, when I thought he did. I was a little naive then, and certainly in “wishful thinking; it’s all about me” mode.
Why do we “carry,” you ask?
Well, most of us who carry think that it will:
- Cause the one we love not to leave us, so we don’t have to be alone
- Cause nobody to judge us as a bad mother, partner, sibling, child, Christian (or any religion)
- Get us a closer seat to God
- Prove we are enough to God, our parents from 20 years ago, our children
- Make up for something we think we did wrong (divorce, leave home, fail at something, et.al.)
- Generally prevent some kind of pain
When you start to embody all of the magical chemist that you are, you see that the only thing you can do is BE YOURSELF AS AN EXAMPLE. It does NOT mean fitting someone else’s pretty picture of who you should be (whether dead, alive, or in the Bible).
- Make mistakes and clean them up
- Allow yourself unconscious behaviour, but apologize
- Set others free from your expectations, or the expectations you are creating for them, and the jail that was created for you
- Be an unfolding flower, while aiming for the full blossoming experience