Picutre Credits – Jeannie Selda
“Righteousness is exclusive of others. It is divisive and ultimately it is evidence of deep, deep hurt and pain that has never been resolved. At some point, being righteous will become so exhausting that everyone will want to remember that they have the capacity to thrive, and to embody the operating system of thriving, which transcends the need to stand in defiance.”
– Jennifer Hough
Righteousness in yourself and others. What does that even really mean?
It’s all over the media and throughout the political spectrum and, as a result, it is probably prevalent in some of your social circles with friends and family.
Where does it come from? Why do we get that way? How do we define it? What frees us from the need to react to it or use righteousness?
The subject of righteousness has come up for me several times in the last couple of months. I was speaking with one of my clients and we could both see so many angles on righteousness. Sometimes I can get that way, but I catch myself because it really doesn’t feel good. It also isn’t an inclusive way of speaking, and blocks fluid shifts. If you are all about making fluid shifts … well, you know.
Righteousness IS a drama instigator.
I can think of three places that being righteous can come from.
- As a way of protecting ourselves from others who might judge us.
We get loud. We become opinionated and so there is no space for others to contribute to us, nor will they be interested in seeing us.
- A place where we never felt heard or seen.
We get loud and possibly bombastic with others to feel heard in a way that steamrolls others from being heard as well. It’s like an ego-driven way to make up for lost time.
- The sense that we never belonged.
When a group of people all have the same opinion without room for anyone else’s, there is a sense of community or tribe, albeit a false sense of community or tribe, but it beats feeling like the lone voice. Sometimes people are righteous, seeking others to join them in their righteousness so that they don’t have to be alone.
All these reasons divide, isolate, and disconnect our hearts from each other. In righteousness, there isn’t much listening going on, let alone understanding.
I define righteousness as the act of collecting evidence for one’s point of view, and very deliberately holding it internally, and where the opportunity arises, speaking it vehemently.
Righteousness is exclusive of others. It is divisive and ultimately it is evidence of deep, deep hurt and pain that has never been resolved.
When people are given the chance to be unconditional, to love, to see understanding, by transcending the jail of the past, my experience is that people much prefer that path rather than separating from humanity.
So what can free us from the need to be righteous with family members, the people we love and those around us?
First of all, we can be righteous as a way of being. Sometimes we are righteous as leaders, and we train others that that’s what leadership is. Then, everyone around us relates to us as that kind of leader, and it’s further indoctrinated into those who believe us, and even into our own cells.
A great analogy is that this morning I was pulling out very deeply rooted grass around the base of my beautiful fruit trees. With Adam getting sick, I didn’t have much time to do that kind of thing. It wasn’t essential. But man, those roots can grow pretty fast.
I realized that if I watered the area well, things would loosen up. It kind of reminds me of truly understanding and helping people feel nourished before you have conversations that move mountains.
I tried to do it with one hand and my arm. It was really hard to take out the clumps, including the roots. So, instead of just removing surface grass, I wrapped both hands around the clump, and just leaned my body back.
For me, this really speaks to the fact that it takes community, it takes more than one hand. It takes the whole heart, with absolutely no judgment.
I could feel myself wanting to say “this is never going to happen. It’s way too hard. Maybe I should just dump some soil on top and hope all the grass dies underneath.”
But that’s when the solution of two hands and using my body came up.
Bit by bit, I was able to put some edging in and fill it with new compost soil.
The weeds, the clover, the crabgrass were all gone. I had to play the long game. I had to celebrate the little wins. I had to know that there was always a way to get the trees to a place where they are beautified, and loved the way I knew was possible.
Finding your own way back to your own heart has to be kind of like that.
You have to have grace in the process. Leave space for non-linear results. Don’t go right after the middle of the issue. Look for the gentler and more available issues surrounding the deep-rooted one, and the deep-rooted one will come out much more effortlessly.
Make sure you have the new way of being activated. The rich compost, the beautiful cedar fence that helps you contain the foundation of this new way of being.
At some point, the tree of deeper knowing will be so well-rooted and in its element that it won’t need the compost anymore.
If there’s someone in your life who tends to be righteous about something that you don’t agree with, don’t engage with them. The issue is not the issue. There is something, someone, or some event that caused great pain and hurt enough to have them separate from humanity.
You are not their coach, nor their therapist.
But you are someone who can love them unconditionally, either from afar or up close. You can tell them that you disagree, but you absolutely adore them.
Engaging the protective mechanism simply adds fuel to the fire. Their heels will dig in.
A huge issue on the planet right now, with much hurt all around. People want to belong, to fit in with a crowd, and know that they are heard.
A friend and I share a saying that we love. ‘There is always a way.’
In Flight School, and in our high-end Advanced Guidance program, there is a journey to the mastery of being in flow about the long game of your life. Finding the way back to loving every minute of it, not because it’s always fun, but because it’s always rich.
In the Embodiment Workshop, it’s about the groundwork to have your life flourish, be in overflow, and have the confidence to let the dream that brought you here find expression.
There is no room for righteousness in that world. A true heart, purpose, and desires, where everyone on the planet has the possibility to participate in your vision.
The role of righteousness in your world, as a visionary, is to enable clarity and motivation. Both of these characteristics are essential for creators to be able to create.
At some point, being righteous will become so exhausting that everyone will want to remember they have the capacity to thrive, and to embody the operating system of thriving, which transcends the need to stand in defiance.
Creating the world we want is moving forward in the spiral that makes up the fabric of the universe. Being righteous adds energy to whatever exists or has existed. It resists the actual flow of the entire universe, which is why it doesn’t feel good to be around.
Just some thoughts for you as we go into the rest of the week.