“True freedom comes from being able to dance with anything, and letting love win. It does not come from living life in fear of being hurt.”
– Jennifer Hough
TRUE FREEDOM COMES FROM BEING ABLE TO DANCE WITH ANYTHING. But that means that we must have the courage to let love win, beyond needing to react to fears and protection. This deepened my understanding of that the hard way last week… ugh! Life.
In case you didn’t know, I don’t always live life perfectly in effortless flow. I have blind spots, just like all of us. Last week for me was a case in point. There had been hints by life and situations that there was a big ‘ole vibrational kick in the butt coming.
Sometimes I go faster than what my experience is able to contain… I push. All from love, but I don’t know what I don’t know.
Thank goodness for Higher Knowing, love and friends.
I had been doing my morning meditations, more so than usual. I had been getting frustrated by a couple of things in business, and a couple of things in my home life. In my meditations, I was looking for answers. I had also slowly but surely been adding things to my list of to do‘s as well. BIG THINGS; like writing new books, having deeply brave conversations with my sweetie (ugh), and hiring new people.
It was like my greater consciousness was conspiring for a big cosmic 2 x 4 that would seemingly come from out of the sky. Those who know me, know that I come with a warning. Sometimes on this leading edge, I push the envelope. Sometimes I get really excited. Sometimes I test how much I can play with. Sometimes that leads to a whole new level of freedom that I can catch up to gracefully, and sometimes that leads to a whole new level of freedom that I catch up to through a lot of contrast, because I didn’t see my blind spot.
This time it was a lot of contrast, and people I love feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Me, too. I would even say, for the first time in a long time, I was distraught. I would even say incredulous of myself for missing something hiding in plain sight.
Sometimes people think I am not human, or that somehow I avoid those big bumps in the road. Don’t get me wrong, it still happens FOR me, not to me. I feel incredibly blessed. But, because most of the time things are pretty fluid, as I expand forward and things speed up for me, I can develop blind spots that don’t matter at a slower speed.
This evolution took days because my heart was broken. When I have a blind spot, it has to cost me enough to get my attention. Oh, it got my attention alright. Have you ever had that happen?
If I’m really committed to my journey, I must either expand and grow, or shrivel. I considered shriveling for a few hours. In the past, it would have been days or even years. In fact, the contrast is so much on these occasions that shriveling becomes a good option… I considered getting a day job, LOL!
But that is my promise to myself and to this journey with my sweetie and all of you, and that is to engage life with curiosity and keep my heart open.
I spent most of my life trying to be perfect. For reasons from my childhood. But I have a completely different definition of perfection now from recent years’ experience.
I cannot expect other people to be perfect, or myself, according to other people’s expectations. I can only do my best. I can only change as life gives me the inspiration for the redirecting experiences that are painful; I told my clients that I am not their guru. And so I have compassion for anyone’s journey, as I need to have compassion for myself because I have been on my journey concurrently..
Perfection is not that people always do things in a way that doesn’t upset others. That’s impossible. Perfection is when we simply learn and are willing to look at ourselves, and take responsibility with an open and humble heart that is willing to learn.
Sadly, we lose people along the way because they get hurt by things that happen. Not everyone approaches life that way. It’s just as sad for me as for anyone.
But those people also gift me with the awareness to redirect and to take deeper responsibility, and be even more vulnerable moving forward. The bigger the game, the more consciousness it takes.
To the friends who have been so incredibly gracious, open, side-by-side, kind, generous, and truly understand what it feels like because they have been there, too, I feel truly blessed.
And I feel equally blessed by the truth-tellers for whom trees were shaken, as was mine. This is life. I am sure this experience will get paid forward at some point, when I am complete with it.
Taking some space this morning and having some grace for myself.
No need for anyone to carry me; there is nothing to carry. It’s all in its perfection. This morning I am expanded in my ability to dance with anything.
Humbling perfection: My heart is expanded, my mind is expanded, my awareness is expanded, and instead of shriveling, I will simply have more compassion for myself, and for others.
I truly pray that you have grace for yourself on this journey; there is a lot going on in the world. Leave space for love, for wounds to be healed, and for those who went far from their hearts and yours to come back.
It is clear that the universe did respond to a deep yearning regarding my journey forward and being able to authentically complete this book, authentically be a good partner to my husband, and appreciate the sacredness of certain aspects of my life.
This did happen for me, and not to me, of course. How could it be any other way? I think I’ll go for a walk in the sunrise. It’s a new day.
Nothing is ever wrong, or out of flow. There are simply more powerful redirects than others.
“It’s okay when your heart breaks, because that’s how more light gets in.”